Categories
Capsule Legacy

Frozen Fever (2015)

Mostly harmless but bland to the point of brain rot.

A C-tier Lopez song, lots of rehashed/remixed gags and shots from the original Frozen, and a plot you’d expect to see in the third season of a sitcom. (Why does Elsa start acting drunk when she gets a cold?)

The booger snow monsters could have been fun-weird but are just boring-weird.

The only thing I unreservedly like is Elsa’s new green dress, which should probably show you the storytelling sophistication we’re dealing with here.


April 2022 update:

My four-year-old daughter specifically requested we watch this again. I try not to force my opinions on her, so I obliged without comment. But I asked her why.

“The snowgies are weird,” she said.

“And that’s good?” I asked.

“Yes. I like it when they’re weird. I wish I had Elsa’s powers so I could do weird things with it,” she said.

I was so proud. I’m gonna need to put together an age-organized curriculum of weird movies to keep her on this train.

Categories
Podcast Rating Legacy Deprecated Review

La La Land (2016) – 2022 Review

Note: I wrote a new La La Land review as part of my Damien Chazelle retrospective. You can read it here.

I’m seriously bummed I didn’t see this one on the big screen.

Categories
Legacy Review

The Little Mermaid (1989)

The first half of The Little Mermaid, in isolation, might be my favorite Walt Disney Animation Studios film.

Categories
Capsule Legacy

Far From the Tree (2021)

As expressive as the raccoons are…

As compelling as the visual allegory is and how much I vibe with parenting stories like this…

As much as I love seeing new hand-drawn animation projects with clear budget and love and artistry behind them…

The stuttery effect of the character animation absolutely ruined my pleasure watching this. I truly cannot understand what artistic effect they were trying to achieve, because it distracted me the entire time.

Categories
Revision Candidate Review Legacy

Parched (2015)

Parched tells the story of a group of Indian women in a rural desert community dealing with a regressive, sexually oppressed society. Marriages are arranged, men can sleep around but women must remain faithful and subservient, marital abuse is routine.

Categories
Review Podcast Rating Legacy Revision Candidate

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

Part of me wants to be contrarian and rain on all the love this movie gets.

Categories
Review Legacy

Last Action Hero (1993)

I watched this as part of a virtual movie night with the Alternate Ending community, and it’s tough to imagine a movie more perfect for the format — giddy, over the top, packed with references and cameos, plenty to admire and make fun of, not remotely challenging but plenty clever.

Categories
Legacy Review Revision Candidate

Juke: Passages from the Films of Spencer Williams (2015)

Spencer Williams was an early Black filmmaker, a protege of the legendary Oscar Micheaux.

Categories
Review Legacy

The Cat in the Hat Knows a Lot About Christmas! (2012)

I get no pleasure dumping on stuff made for public television with the aim of educating and entertaining impressionable kids in a healthy manner.

But.

Let me ask you this: What do you think of when you imagine The Cat in the Hat? (I mean the character and the book, not the panned film.)

If you’ve read the 1957 Dr. Seuss book or its 1958 sequel (The Cat in the Hat Comes Back) recently, then you know the Cat to be a chaotic figure. One who toes the line between destruction and playful anarchy. A wrench in the gears of middle-century Leave it to Beaver blandness. He is not a simple animal friend, nor a moral leader, nor a quasi-imaginary companion. (He’s certainly not voiced by Martin Short.)

In short, this Cat in the Hat is not the Cat in the Hat I know.

I haven’t seen the show that this Christmas special comes from. I gather that it derives not from the seminal Seuss classics, but the line of non-fiction sporting the Cat in the Hat that followed (which is another noble pursuit that neutered the character).

This special floats along in a semi-insidious haze of neutrality. The kids, and by proxy the viewers, are learning a few facts about animals and getting character advice about keeping promises (with some “Christmas magic” jarringly sprinkled in), but it is not a film proper, or even a real “holiday special.” It is an educational public service with holiday trappings.

The paper-doll animation is ugly and ungainly (especially for anything not one of the five main characters), the narrative practically nonexistent, the tone toothless kiddie fodder. There’s not even that many facts to learn!

I love PBS and what it contributes to the world, especially for those starved of free meaningful content. I’m a monthly donor. So I give it an honorary salute without actually inflating the rating because I admire the mission. But don’t watch it unless you have toddlers in tow, especially not if you have any reverence for Dr. Seuss’ storytelling sensibilities.

Categories
Legacy Revision Candidate Review

To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)

The consensus among my peers in recent years is that To Kill a Mockingbird is Baby’s First Anti-Racism Story with a heavy dollop of white saviorism.